Only at Walmart

About a month ago I decided I'm in the market for a new mattress; more specifically, the 8" memory foam mattress at Walmart I've been eying for the past year. Never have I been so committed to something so meaningless in my life... but I want it.

It was the day I left work early and did my STD screening. After the screening I decided to call Rayo and see if he wanted to meet up for a bottle of shit's and giggles. Subsequently, we agreed to meet up at Union Landing; there's a Walmart there. As I arrived, I parked next to the tire center to avoid having to deal with parking-lot traffic. I get out my car, closed the door, and armed the alarm. As I was commenting in my head how I need fix the AC in my car because a V-shaped sweat mark is SO attractive... an Impala turns the corner and screeches to a halt in front of me. The guy in car, who I can only describe as a husky Lil' Wayne, says something to me. Still stunned by the Lil’ Wayne’s gold chains and matching grill, I replied with a consternating look, "WHAT?!? Huh?!?" (a most appropriate response, don't you think?)

He reaches for the passenger seat and pulls out a jewelry box, "You wanna buy a Movado watch or a diamond tennis bracelet?"

Oh hell... I just parked and not 10 feet from my car, someone is trying to sell me something that fell off the truck.

“Nah, Brah. I’m straight.”

Unfortunately, after excusing myself from the situation, I find that the mattress was not there. However, the next day I decided to buy the mattress on Walmart.com using their "Site-to-Store" feature and had it shipped to the Walmart in Oakland off of Hegenberger. I figured I'd stay clear of any parking lot entrepreneurs in Union City.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon:

It takes Walmart.com 3 weeks to complete their 7 to 10-day delivery. Nonetheless, I get the email saying it finally arrived. I printed out my email, checked to see if I have my ID, and was off to Oakland. As I'm humming along Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me, I pull up to the parking lot. I got out my car, closed the door, and armed the alarm. I was feeling a little good about the drive since there was relatively no traffic on 880, possibly due to a holiday weekend. As I turned the corner around my car and head towards the entrance, a lady is standing there with her makeshift cart...she asked me if I wanted to buy tamales. 'Twas apparent to me she made these at home and individually wrapped these in foil. I didn't have any, but I'm sure the tamales were good. She probably would have made a killing at the EatReal Fest at Jack London Square this past weekend.

I believe this warrants a twitter update.

As I'm updating my twitter about running into the Tamale Lady at the Walmart parking lot, I see a sign that reads "Site-to-Store in rear". From the moment I started walking towards the rear, I see every possible Homies character --the one with the wife beater, cut off Dickies, and Cortez’s to the one in the wheel chair-- it was amazing. I'm pretty sure the maker gets his inspiration standing at his/her local Walmart.

I get to the back of the store and the woman working the cash register in the Electronics section notices me. She points me in the right direction towards a blatant sign that reads “Site-to-Store here”. I’m still not sure how I missed the sign; maybe I was drawn back because she reminds me of Whoopi Goldberg from Jumpin Jack Flash (man, I miss that movie).

A few moments pass before someone acknowledges me standing there.

“Sweetie, have you been helped?”

Oh… Emm…. Gee… I couldn’t believe it. What are my chances that Madea was help’n me out at the counter?

I don’t know what it is (and I’ve mentioned this on my twitter), but I’m convinced living in Oakland is like being in a Tyler Perry movie.