Which one are you?

Last night I realized there’s a possibility that I don’t understand the phenomenon of dating. I’ve spent the majority of my 20s in a LTR with a GAM from LA until the LDR moved to NYC after living in SF to become whatever you become when you move there. It's been my experience that after being with someone for 9 years, I expected a stigma attached to myself amongst the Scene which yields one of two things: Rumors and Infidelity.

Listening to: Fiona Apple - Get Gone | When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King...

As weird as it is to be single again, a friend told me I should try being single for now; this, coming from someone whose past 3 relationships was a result of an affair with the previous relationship. By taking his advice, it wasn't but a few months after until someone interesting came along who, unfortunately, made it a point to constantly remind me there was always someone more attractive than myself (yeah, yah know… after typing out that last sentence, WTF was I thinking then?). Needless to say, that “relationship” was in the Fastrak lane to nowhere.

Refusing to admit that my friend was right about being single for the time being, I ended up dating my first Filipino at age 29 in hopes of being with someone that understands me. Without putting too much of someone else’s business out there, it was like yelling at the TV while a Telenovela was on full blast and you’re only experience in Spanish was the 2 years you took in high school and that trip you took to TJ back in 2003. Yeah… it felt like that… and as ironic as it was, I never felt so misunderstood.

So here I am, 3 failed quasi-relationships in a year and a half, which is the status quo in the Scene, apparently.

SIDE NOTE: The Scene is an intrinsically remarkable phenomenon. One’s OG status is not measured by ones age, but measured by what era one came into the Scene. For example, a 28 y/o who has been clubbing since JRs and Faith is more of an OG than a 38 y/o who started clubbing when Trigger opened earlier this year (yes, believe me…there are 38 y/o clubbers out there, but that’s another blog entry).

With that being said, my OG status goes back to when City Nights was The Box and the new Trigger was known as Detour.

So what now? What is it that single people do? With the number of years in the Scene under my belt, I have observed the following patterns with my fellow singles.

WARNING: By no means is this list meant to be exhaustive or exclusive, but illustrative and comprehensive for comedic purposes.

Party & Bullshit
It’s very common for newly single individuals, not limiting to the Scene, to become party activists overnight. This type of individual wants to drink up every night and bring a buddy/wingman for their support. Their choice of environment/battleground is usually whichever venue is playing hip hop that night; subsequently, the night of aggressive/professional drinking usually ends in a fight or throwing up in the wingman’s car. I suggest if the individual has a large circle of friends, is to play round robin with your wingmen, as to not seem desperate. Also, this act usually goes on until they finally get one of their one-night stands preggo or until they start showing symptoms of their newly attributed STD.

The Serial Dater
There are those individuals that we all come to know and love who have made dating an art form. The Serial Dater, not to be confused by The Speed Dater, will date an obscene amount of partners in such a short period of time and may come across as a player or a hoe (whichever makes more comfortable). Usually this person would take the initiative to get to know someone and will genuinely be interested until they find something about that person that falls under their list of “DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WITH¬…” —like webbed feet… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

However so equivocal in the types of people they date, when The Serial Dater finds the perfect match they become a Brigadoon Fag only because their new partner passed many levels of scrutiny… and who would want to lose that?

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: When I looked up “Serial Dater” on UrbanDictionary.com I also came across “Serial Butt Friend”. I can’t believe there’s a term for that.

YesterGay | Hasbian
Not to discredit the validity of their relationship, but YesterGays and Hasbians, though uncommon, do exist. It’s like finding close parking at the mall during Christmas time.

I’ve seen different levels of significance with YesterGays and Hasbians, whether they marry for papers only or for tax purposes, but a friendship between a YesterGay and a Hasbian is very genuine.

So where does this leave me?

As much as I hate to write about my inner psyche, I guess I can leave you with a quote a wise man once told me in hopes of a coup d’état of consternation when you see me next.

“There are 3 types of people in this world;
• those who make things happen,
• those who saw what happened, and
• those who ask “Wah happened?”
Which one are you?”

(taken from my adam 4 adam page)