A few months pass and we got in contact with one of my cousins, asking him where he lives. The word on the street was they were renting a house near my parents house.
"I can't tell you that," my cousin says shamefully.
We told our cousin whatever drama our parents have with each other, shouldn't be a reason for us to cast judgment on you. God forbid anyone judge me based on the shady things my parents have done... my mom is a bookie for fuck sake.
Which brings me to the ulam of my story: What makes a person measure someone's behavior with one yard stick, then measures another person's behavior with the same yard stick?
the observation
Over the past couple of years of singlehood, I've notice a trend in the behaviors of those around me. Whether we're talking, dating, getting to know each other, putting the fun in friendship, or even just enjoying each others company; there always comes a point where someone is compared to the "proverbial" ex. Either your significant other compares themselves to your "ex" or you are compared to their "ex". I'm pretty sure there are various other outcomes to this equation; however, in my case, it was the 'other' that did the comparing.
the comparison
Again, without getting too deep into it (and also not naming any names), the person I was seeing at the time kept comparing our relationship with that of 9 years. Although our time together was relatively brief --shorter than any of those relationships in the Tigergate scandal-- a substantial amount of time and energy was spent arguing the irrelevance between my relationship with my ex and my current relationship. For that reason alone, I always make it a point to not talk about an ex during the time I'm trying to get to know you.
(btw, if you use the term "Tigergate or Climategate" in the last 72 hours, you should be tarred, feathered, then have your body dragged in the middle of Tianamen Square and given a choice to either be shot or ran over by a tank.)
More recently, a friend of mine and I got into a simple debate about the appropriate length of time it takes to take a decent shower. For those of you who REALLY know me, knows that I like to ensure some type of bathing before, after, and sometimes during anything that involves some kind of high intensity sweating. In this case, (if you don't follow me on Twitter) I haven't taken a shower for 2 days since there was no hot water at my place. You Betcha By Golly Wow I wasn't livin' on the edge during those 48 hours.
Nonetheless, after much humiliation, I decided to give in and say I won't take long showers anymore... when I'm showering over there (in my defense I live alone and no one has ever complained how long my showers take). To be honest, I just wanted to acknowledge his concern and move on; however, catching on to my disinterest in the subject matter, he then says, "See! That's what [expletive] used to do and I HATE that. That's why I know it'll never workout between me and you."
SIDE NOTE:
Before continuing on, I just wanted to clarify the latter part of the quote didn't hurt as much as the former; but in the end, a judgment was made on me based on someone I've never met before. I guess that's what bothered me the most.
the conclusion
After thinking about this for a couple of days, I confronted my friend about his backhanded comment and he ironically pointed to a quote from his ex's Facebook page.
"you will blame a new love for something the old one did"
~From: Friend's Ex's Facebook Page's Facebook Status
Though we are not lovers by any means, the same principle was used to slap me in the face for a 4th time. I guess I'll never understand why, as humans, we do what we do. What is it about our culture why we reference significant things to us based on other things that are not?
If we go on the supposition that we are a reflection of our loved ones, then we support the basic anthropological human expression, "we are attracted to things that remind us of ourselves."
"Separate evolution of the self isn’t as pronounced in homosexual relationships."
I guess what I'm trying to say is whether you're comparing this one to that one, or the old one to the new one; the moment you compare things to other things is the moment you lose significance in all things.
After writing this post I just wanted to put a disclaimer out there that this entry is completely based on just random thoughts and is not meant to hurt, defame, attack, nor ridicule anyone in particular… just random thoughts that are meant to be illustrative based on a few water-cooler conversations, chits and chats while shits and giggles, casual encounters (in the bathroom or otherwise stated), et aliae. And if by chance you feel a deeper connection with the content of this entry, which so happens to feel like guilt, then may the judge and the jury in this case, known as the good Lord, have at it…
No comments:
Post a Comment